The Fabulous Two: Secret Code at the Hopetoun Tea Rooms

A fabulous friend of mine had a birthday recently and I thought it would be nice to go to a fabulous venue for a cuppa and confabulation. I could not come up with such a venue.

Another friend did come up with something for me, however - the Hopetoun Tea Rooms in The Block arcade off Collins Street - which was just about fabulous enough (see decadent decor below).


The tea rooms were initially opened by the Victorian Ladies Work Association in the late 1800s and was named after the association's founder, Lady Hopetoun. The menu included all the things you'd expect from tea rooms; scones with jam and cream, sandwiches, a range of cakes and pastries, and a whole blackboard of weird and wonderful-sounding teas like Bard's Tempest and Coco Bongo. There's also a decent-looking breakfast and lunch menu if you wanted to make a meal of it.

The chai latte was divine, although my first one was, sadly, lukewarm. I ordered a red salmon and cucumber sandwich on brown bread which was a little dry as it didn't have anything else on it. Luckily, Birthday Girl's English Breakfast was very satisfactory.

After an hour or so of gossiping I mean discussing our jobs, politics and the economy in a straightforward, factual way, a visit to the ladies room was in order. After searching but not finding, I asked a waitress where it was. This is what she said:

"There's no toilet here, but if you turn right in the arcade, keep going till you get to the end and turn right again... no wait, left, then keep going till you find lift three, then go up the lift to level 3, and you'll find the toilets."

All I heard was no toilet and a whole lot of threes.

"Oh, and you'll need the code."

The Code? Now I was listening.

She gave me The Code: three numbers and a letter. I didn't know what I needed it for exactly, but I knew I would know when the time came.

Not wanting to keep my friend waiting, I trotted off down the arcade (and when you're wearing boots with a four-inch heel on them, you trot), ignoring the temptation of the many handbags and shoes and specialty gift stores along the way. I soon caught sight of an oh-so-Melbourne, burgundy sign with 'Lift Three' on it in cream lettering, and I pulled up at the lift doors ever so slightly out of breath. There it was - a keypad! I entered The Code...

Immediately, the lift doors burst open and I was greeted by my reflection looking quite pleased with itself in the mirrored back of the lift. I quickly jumped inside and pressed floor three, looking around furtively as if 6 rogues were about to take advantage of my knowledge of The Code and pile into the lift. Or some security guard was about to shout, 'Hoy! You're not an employee of this precinct!'

Floor three was like a ghost floor. There was no sign of toilets, but there was a sign for a podiatry clinic. After all that trotting I could probably have done with a little visit there. Eventually I did find my way into a clean, empty ladies room, with soap and all. I was back in my seat within 9 minutes, just as my second latte was arriving at the table scalding hot, just the way I like it.

So if you're ever within 5 minutes of Collins & Elizabeth and are in dire need of a ladies room, don't head underground. Head above ground via the Block arcade. As for The Code - well, it wouldn't be a secret if I just straight out gave it to you, would it? It's in here, you'll just have to go back and look for it...

Or you could just ask a waitress at the Hopetoun Tea Rooms.



Hopetoun Tea Rooms
Block Arcade, 282 Collins St, Melbourne
Open for breakfast & lunch
Phone: (03) 9650 2777

Hopetoun Tea Rooms review in Epicure