Five-ish years ago I was invited with a group over to an old school friend's place for dinner. While our paths don't cross much nowadays, I will always remember this friend's seemingly effortless and intuitive cooking style, and of anyone my age I know, I consider her the best.
For dinner, my friend served a Vegetable Lasagne which was indescribably amazing, so amazing it's been elevated to a proper noun in my vocabulary. It was Lasagne Heaven, without a doubt, although strangely enough, I was the only one that seemed to notice. Silly other people. Maybe if they paid more attention to the lasagne, the Monopoly board wouldn't have gotten thrown.
I made my feelings about VL so clear that my friend eventually packed up the leftovers in a Tupperware container and insisted I take them home (probably half because she's generous and half to shut me the heck up). I ate those leftovers with great zeal the next day for breakfast, lunch and tea and felt quite glum when they were gone, inevitable after being on a lasagne high all day. Official Best Leftovers Ever.
Since that day, I have been enraptured by lasagne. I have never managed to emulate VL, but I try, and my lasagnes have evolved over time to be completely tailored to my tastes, ie. double the Bechamel sauce and criminal amounts of four varieties of cheese.
And now for my Grand Plan:
When I am completely better and back to my normal food-worshiping self, I am going to celebrate by clawing my way back to Lasagne Heaven by making and eating The Greatest and Best Lasagne of All Time.
I may even incorporate a fifth cheese*, who knows, but it will be The Greatest, and if it is not The Greatest, I will make another one, and if that isn't The Greatest, I will make another, and another, and I will start dashing them aside in a manic rage until finally, I will have created THE GREATEST AND BEST LASAGNE OF ALL TIME AND THEN I WILL EAT IT FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND TEA UNTIL IT IS FINISHED!!!!
And now back to the real world, where I will bake the best lasagne I can and eat a piece of the leftovers for lunch the next day.
Alright, I am going to eat the leftovers for breakfast, lunch and tea so kill me.
The Vague Recipe for The Greatest and Best Lasagne of All Time
Meat Sauce
Chop an onion.
Saute in butter with 2 cloves of crushed garlic until soft.
Add 750g best quality minced beef until browned.
Add 2 cans of diced tomatoes, 2 tbsp tomato paste, salt, pepper, a tsp sugar, a dash of red wine, spices, fresh oregano and basil and a couple of bay leaves.
Simmer for half an hour.
Bechamel Sauce
Melt 4 tbsp butter.
Stir in 1/3 cup flour and cook over low heat for 1 minute.
Gradually stir in a litre of milk and continue stirring over medium heat till it boils and thickens. Add more flour (mixed with milk) if necessary to thicken further.
Stir in a large handful of grated tasty cheese, plus cracked black pepper and a sprinkle of nutmeg.
To Assemble
Layer meat sauce, instant lasagne sheets and Bechamel sauce until used up, but include somewhere in there a layer of mozzarella cheese and a layer of ricotta cheese mixed with an egg and possibly some spinach.
Decadent Topping
Pour cream over the whole thing, sprinkle with abundance of grated mozarella, parmesan, cracked black pepper and dried mixed herbs.
Bake in moderate oven for 20 mins covered with foil and 25 mins without foil until golden or you can't bear it any more.
*Note: I have heard rumour of a mysterious 'Camembert-topped lasagne' made by one Cooking Idol I know. If anyone has any information about this enigmatic delicacy, particularly family members, contact one of my people. Your security can be 100% assured.
