You may have heard the term Opposite Land bandied about. You may have considered it a funny but fabled place useful to refer to when annoying someone. But I am here to tell you that Opposite Land is neither funny, nor fabled. It is real. I know, because I have been living in it for the last three months.
Where food once delighted me, it now disgusts me. My most beloved dishes have gone from gastronomical to gag-inducing. Flipping through Good Taste magazine once made my stomach sing - it now makes it churn. I have never gone off food before in my life, no matter how sick I've been - now I go green at the mere mention of dinner. Where I had never before known the sensation of nausea, it is now my constant companion, 24/7.
But the sting, my friends, oh the sting is that an empty stomach hugely intensifies the nausea, so I must eat constantly, but can't enjoy a bite of it. Bloody Opposite Land.
Well, it'll all be more than worth it in the end, but for now, please excuse me but as long as I'm in Opposite Land I will continue having a break from talking about food, as food is currently my enemy, but I will be sure to be back when we have made up.
OPPOSITE LAND
ALIVE BABY
Once upon a time there was a normal little girl living a normal life. She loved her purple, second-hand My Little Pony, her prized Wet'n'Wild Barbie and Ken, and she had a fair few Sylvanian Family members with cardboard village accessories.
But what this little girl really wished for in her heart of hearts was the doll of all dolls - Baby Alive. This doll could eat food and drink from a bottle! And it could wee!! She would sing the ad jingle under her breath when she was feeling sad ("Givin' you a bottle for your meal, you're so real, Baby Alive!") and as Christmas drew closer, she would pray in her bed at nighttime, "Dear God, please let Santa bring me a Baby Alive for Christmas". ('Santa' claims she never had any idea the little girl wanted this Baby Alive thingumy and now has a guilt complex about it).
And so, the little girl never got her eating, giggling, weeing Baby Alive for Christmas that year. Or the next year. But she grew up reasonably happy and well-adjusted anyhow and did many ordinary and fantastic things and forgot all about Baby Alive...
Until one day she discovered she was having the real version.
!